I said to the Lord, "You are my Lord;
Apart from You I have no good thing".
...Lord, You have assigned me my portion and my cup;
You have made my lot secure.
The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places;
Surely I have a delightful inheritance.
Even at night my heart instructs me.
I have set the Lord always before me.
Because He is at my right hand, I will not be shaken.
Psalm16: 1-2, 5-8
I am feeling a little twitchy these days. I have noticed this about myself over the years,
that August brings a low level of anxiety. Some years I notice it more than others and
this year seems to be heightened. Part of it is that after July passes, the colour of the sky
begins to change and the sun feels different. I dislike change and August is always a
reminder that the seasons are about to change and September is looming. This feeling robs
me of the joys of August and though I know I should enjoy today's joys and leave tomorrow
to itself, I can't shake the sadness that simmers below the surface.
The funny thing is that September is absolutely, hands down, my most favourite time of the
year! I love the colours, the sky and the clarity of the air that it brings. It is also a fleeting
time and I think that I hesitate to embrace it because it doesn't last long enough. I think I
dread the ending even before it begins and oh, what a shame! It poisons today and drains me of the joy that God is giving me now!
A dear friend shared with me that she is memorizing Psalm 16 and we began to talk about itas we went for a good long walk. She was talking about truly enjoying the boundary lines God
has drawn in her life and the fact that we are secure in Him, not needing to race around and make our lives count. I went home and read the psalm and was again reminded of God's provision, His
goodness and His plans for me. That He is constant, in the midst of changing seasons, both in
nature and in my own life.
I wonder how it is, that I was so thankful and assured of my lot and portion when I was a young
mom with a home full of precious little people and a heart of gratitude. I was living my dream
of being a wife and mom and was so content! I knew I was blessed and was so fulfilled and
aware that God had assigned me wonderful boundary lines. Did they suddenly move, now that
my kids are grown? Is my life here on earth just to be about passing time till Heaven? In my
mind I know the right answers, but in my heart, well, in my heart I am not sure. That is where
verses 7 and 8 point me to the truth.
Even though I am not wanting the season to change, I can trust God. He will hold me secure and
I will not be shaken. Those anxious hours in the night become times when I hear Jesus reminding
me of His love and faithfulness. He has not forgotten me and though transitions happen, they can't
rob me of today and they can't shake His hands on my life or His holding of my heart. I can't say
my boundary lines are changed because He is the One who set them! I can't worry about seasons
changing because God is the One who set the world in motion and the cycle of life is beautiful.
Each day is to be enjoyed and each new day is to be embraced and then released. I love September
so much and is is wrong to begin to feel sad in August because September is coming and will go
by too fast! Even as I write this, it sounds silly, just as so many of my fears sound sill when I say
them out loud.
I am beginning a new season in my life, one that is more of just me and my husband in a fairly
quiet home. I thank God for the past and I know, because of His word, that He has given me many,
many good things, He has assigned my lot and my portion and that my boundary lines really have
fallen in pleasant places. I have one chick yet to set on her way and a whole rest of my life to live
for Him. I am asking even now for new dreams and hopes to work towards. I am thankful for the
goodness of my Father, for His steadiness (that resists my shakiness!) and His perfect plans for
each day, each season, each transition and on and on and on. He has promised to be with me. I
will not be shaken.
